dating advice

In today’s episode, Dr .Lisle and Dr. Howk weigh in on current events. 

In today’s replay of episode 198, the Dr’s discuss:

1. I think that you are absolutely right when you say that happiness comes from esteem, earned in the right way from the people that matter. It’s really beautiful to me how that works. But on the other hand, I occasionally meet women who impress me a great deal, strictly based on their DNA- i.e., above-average looks, brains, and personality. Or, as you might expect, even just well above average looks. So my question is, how can attraction be such a profound emotional experience when so much of it is purely on the basis of DNA, and nothing that has been done to earn it? And in fact people are more impressed with someone when it appears that they are not trying? Is how we feel about ourselves based on what we earn, but how we feel about others mostly just a matter of their DNA?

2. How does IQ affect relationships? Specifically, a male having a greater IQ than his female partner, at what point would this cause problems in the relationship and how?

3. I am a recently single 30 year old male, and I’ve been hitting the online dating apps once again. With my more finely tuned evolutionary lense thanks to your podcast, I’ve noticed something interestin.  It seems as though most of us, while we want to put our best foot forward in order to increase our chance of success, we still can’t help but leak potentially market-limiting queues. Is it simply that we are programmed to be honest so that we don’t end up wasting our time with people who wouldn’t find these market-limiting interests appealing? Is this a simple energy conservation cost-benefit analysis?

In today’s show, Dr. Howk dicusses:

1. I am a fairly successful artist in his late 20s (definitely another Jimmy the Guitar player). My Big Five is highly distorted (O-98, C-75, E-98, A-15, N-98), which has gotten me in all sorts of trouble but luckily, my high IQ has kept me on the right track. Your podcast and website have helped me in almost every arena, but I can’t shake my Jimmy gene. I find myself “falling in love”, but losing interest just as quickly. This has caused many unhappy romantic relationships, sometimes even when I desperately want them to work. How can a Jimmy who would love to pair bond beat his genes? Is there a ten paid dates rule for men? What is the right environment, if I can’t change my personality?

2. I’m a young male adult (~20), and I truly enjoying studying, working out, training, and just overall being productive. I know it’s because I’m trying to gain mate value and climb social structures, but I truly enjoy it.  Now, I recently aquired a girlfriend, and I’ve found that I’m more attracted to bouts of watching youtube videos for a few hours at night before I go to bed, or just generally not being productive. I’ve had problems here and there, but most of the time I avoid the temptation altogether and it works well. But the energy to stop relaxing and start working once I’m there is more than I’m willing to muster, it seems. It may be that this is just how I feel right now in life, and in a month or two I’ll be more productive again, but do you think it’s possible that now I have a mate, my brain doesn’t believe I have a serious need to climb structures and gain skills? If so, that is seriously depressing.