dating advice

In today’s replay of episode 207, we go over these questions:

1. I understand from evolutionary psychology that certain market distortions, like a large number of females in college, or a small number of males in elderly age affect the quality of partners we’re willing to date. What I am not sure about is how this calibration changes subjective experience. Do people only change their behavior to attain a partner, or do they also feel more attracted to people of perhaps lesser gene quality?

2. When I was in my twenties, I used to go to bars and wait in line to get in during the winter. In Montreal, winters can be very cold but one would always see girls waiting in the cold with no proper clothing. These happened to be the sexiest girls. My buddy would be impressed with them, saying that they seemed to have a supernatural ability to beat the cold. My question is: do you think that exhibiting the capacity to sustain a noxious stimulus can be used as a gene quality signal? Do you think that smoking can also viewed in this way? It is obviously a pleasure trap, but smokers may want to send the signal: “Look how high quality my genes are, if I can get away with smoking with impunity”

3. I am an introverted married woman in my mid forties. I have a friend who is single and in her early 60s. She frequently asks me and a small covey of women (who all happen to have mates) to go out dancing, to dinner, etc. via group texts. As I refuse to go to nightclubs, I occasionally join them for dinners (maybe twice a year) but refuse to go to nightclubs. My question is, Does a woman increase her chances of finding a mate if she surrounds herself with other women? Is she attempting to create a lure of sorts? I don’t want to continue to be uncooperative about assembling with the group if this is something that could potentially increase her chances at finding someone. 

In today’s show, the Dr’s dicuss the following question: 

1. In episode 243, Dr. Lisle defined the pleasure trap roughly as the state of an organism being fooled by artificial stimuli into believing it is achieving biological success. How does the placebo effect fit into this picture? Given that the placebo effect typically makes a person feel better without the underlying condition improving, it seems like we have evolved with something akin to the pleasure trap built right into us, and therefore the pleasure trap is not a modern phenomenon.

2. My anger and frustration is increasing as folks insist on eating foods that cause their disease which, in turn, incurs costs that all of us are then obligated to bear. Everyone wants to complain about the high cost of health care and global warming but choose to ignore the obvious solution. I need help in dialing back my frustration and increasing sense of despair.

3. The recent talk about living in distortions has really resonated with me. Is this the same as the early concept of making a paradigm shift in our thinking? Looking at the Mind Map, if the self is a calibration system that sets goals, and those goals are based on our personality’s view of our competitive environment, are our distortions derived from outdated calibrations? Or how are they accumulated over time? It seems many of us get stuck in a particular way of looking at the world and our elevated place in it. And if we get stuck in those distortions are we then destined to work toward the wrong goals? Maybe I just want to hear more about how we concoct distortions and how to confront them…Love the work you all do!

In today’s replay of episode 206, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk go over the following questions:

1. Depression often gets talked about as being a biological condition and that just like having a broken arm, treating depression with medication is similar to treating a broken bone with a splint. What is the opinion of Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk about treating depression with medication vs. taking an evolutionary approach to helping individuals improve the esteem dynamics in their life? The combination of medication and therapy is often viewed as the best treatment, but I don’t think most therapies take the approach that Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk do.

2. I’m a male and I’ve noticed that in numerous relationships, if my girlfriend was mad, then she would just flat out ignore me. I don’t understand this behavior as anger would usually lead me to talk through issues and try to resolve them, whereas they might just ignore my calls and messages for days at a time. This caused me tremendous stress ro the point of getting no sleep and significantly impaired life functioning. How do I deal with this situation? And is this a male/female difference in conflict resolution, or an esteem dynamic where I’m over rewarded?

3. Ive been living with my boyfriend for over 15 yrs. Been with him total of 25 yrs. Im a young 60, he is 57. Ready to fall off ur chair? We have never had intercourse. First 10 yrs we done sone other intimate things, but no more. He never pursues or initiates anything with me. I used to try, but tired of being rejected.;( I want to leave the relationship. But do not. I definitely need help, can u give me some insight & guidance.