dating advice

1. I have come to some confusion reconciling the Selfish Gene’s central ideas and Plomin’s description of genetics. The confusion though comes from trying to understand how the notion of self selective pressures at the individual gene level would be possible when so many traits of the phenotype are the result of the interaction of several genes within the genome. How can individual genes “compete” when each individual gene is reliant on how it “correlates(?)” with the rest of the genome.

2. Whenever I don’t orgasm during sex, I feel guilty. This may be because I fake the orgasm. I am not sure whether this is my internal audience censuring me or whether I am simply empathising for my guileless husband. Or, maybe, something else. Why can’t I be honest about my inorgasmia? I don’t always have a problem orgasming but around half the time I fake it. It’s not fun. What say you?

3. What would you recommend for a stay at home Mom who has two small children and is constrained by time and energy to pursue her individual goals?  I am experiencing low mood on a regular basis and don’t want to turn to medication.  Overall, I don’t have a strong sense of self-efficacy and feel like my best way forward is accepting my situation and letting go of personal goals for the foreseeable future.  My husband and I are not in a financial position to use money as a way to provide child care or outsource other tasks.  I wonder if I am going through a recalibration process of lowering my goals and expectations, which is the source of my low mood.  Am I constrained by time and energy to not feel good until my children are more autonomous?

4. Why of why do many of us seek entertainment over sleep even though we’re really tired? How could our minds possibly be so convinced that this is a worthwhile thing?

In today’s show, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. I know you propose that personality is 100% genetically driven. But Dr. McDougall has shown that genes can be turned on and off by diet, and that even the DNA of twins may diverge over time if each twin is raised separately on different diets. Might the same thing be true of the genes behind our personalities? That certain genes could be switched on or off by environmental impacts. And if so, wouldn’t that mean that nurture (along with nature) does in fact affect personality?

2. Though parents don’t shape their children’s personalities, that time at home can leave all sorts of lasting outcomes including anything along the spectrum of wonderful to terrible memories, respectful relationships or bitterness and resentment toward one another, great financial inheritance or debt, and generally, the set of examples and information made available or limited for the child can heavily influence their life choices and performance. After can’t a child and emerging adult only work with the ideas they have available to them, and can’t they get set into certain ruts of ideologies and perspectives including their religious beliefs?

3. I am sold on your lucid explanations of how behavioral genetics shapes personality.    So doesn’t if naturally follow that by going back in time to study differences between the ecological/ political /religious influences in different areas of the world throughout our history,  that we can use these differences to speculate as to how these differences have shaped personality in different areas of the world.  The question is, can you identify or speculate on historical factors that may explain statistical differences in personality between different peoples.

Q’s

1. I’m a hyperconscientious nutcase but I don’t relate at all to Dr Lisle’s statement that HCNCs are more likely to be over the top with wearing masks, washing hands, etc.. I find myself getting so irritated with other people’s compliance that I now make sarcastic comments in public whenever I see people wearing masks or dutifully standing on crosses in supermarket queues. What is happening to me? Is this situational disagreeableness, or is there another explanation?

2. Dr Lisle has spoken in the past about how the way to bring people over to a whole-foods plant-based way of life is to evince humility in the way you present the benefits (“seems to be working for me”). How do esteem dynamics operate between a perceived exemplars and their spectators? Is posturing like a Pyrrhonian sceptic the most effective way to get people to listen to (and follow) your example?

3. Do you have any advice on the gentlest way to break up with someone? I entered into a secret, long distance relationship with another woman close to seven years ago when I was 23 and she was 30. We both haven’t told our families about our relationship because we are related – we are cousins-once-removed and our families are very close.

4. I am a 30 year old male and I honestly don’t feel a very strong connection to my family. I grew up in a fairly toxic environment of alcoholism and the whole experience has left me jaded toward the mainstream view of family.  I have a very sweet girlfriend, but I recently told her I was hesitant about the idea of marriage because it seems like too big of a risk and not essential to have a meaningful relationship with someone. Her response to this and the feelings about family has been to suggest I go to therapy to deal with my childhood issues. How do I tell her that would be a waste of time?