dating advice

In today’s show, Dr. Lisle & Howk review the following questions: 

1. How do you reconcile Dr. Jen’s potted plant theory with Dr. Lisle’s ego trap? As someone that is over 90th percentile introverted and emotionally unstable I find I prefer to keep my world very small and do not have energy for much socializing outside of working full time in an office full of people. Sometimes people encourage me to push myself to socialize more but I’m content spending time at home with my spouse and animals – how would I know if I avoid socializing due to an ego trap or if I’m just designing a life that fits my big 5?
2. A friend of mine was recently dumped via text message. She was in a relationship with this man for about 6 months, everything was going well (both had been married previously and had teenage children). The breakup came as a complete shock to my friend. 6 weeks later the guy contacted my friend, appologised for dumping her and asked for a second chance.  Is it possible he was seeing someone else and realised my friend was a better ‘mate’ option?
3. As a woman in my 50s who has eaten crap her whole life and fought her weight the whole time too, I have found that unless I quit my job, divorce my husband, drop all my friends, move to a cabin in the woods in total isolation with no form of communication or entertainment and never leave while growing my own whole foods, controlling everything in my environment is impossible and triggers and cravings are everywhere. (and some appear without any noticeable provocation and with a connection that only my brain can seem to find.). What can I do? I am trying to deprogram over 50 years of programming and habits and are surrounded by people who aren’t even trying and surrounded by an industry and environment that is bound and determined to make me sick and fat.

    

   Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

   Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

   Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

   Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

   True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

    

   Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

1. Why do women fall in love with villains in romance novels? I was reading through my girlfriend’s provocative novels and the men in these books are not noble or kind, they are dark, twisted, cruel, violent criminals, stalkers, vampires, demons or devils. The sex scenes are aggressive and violent. An example I will never forget is the love interest, who is a stalker, violating the woman with a loaded gun and knife. Is there an evolutionary reason why women would like this? If this is what my girlfriend likes, I don’t even understand why she’s with me. I am exactly the opposite of these men.
2. I am in a relationship with a divorced man who is 15 years my senior, with two adults (or nearly adult) children. We’ve been together for about two years, and he just communicated that six months ago, he kissed a close friend of ours in our shared home. He said it meant nothing (they had a previous relationship) and the kiss was intended to signalize “closure” – that it was the first and last time that something like this has happened in our relationship. He has a history of adultery (his prior wife left him because of serial cheating). Should I trust that this is a one-off thing, or trust my intuition and take a painful step to end the relationship?
3. Afraid of being threatening to others, especially other women, I dress down, don’t wear makeup, don’t bother with my appearance, am obese. Is this a form of self preservation/protection? I always had poor social skills and to not get hurt, I isolate and dress down etc.  Don’t know why I have poor social skills, I may be slightly autistic or asocial.
4. Given that people with less conscientiousness have more children, would it stand to reason that people in general are less conscientious than in the past?  I would presume this might hold true in other areas — for instance, wouldn’t people with less intelligence also have more children?  So over time, wouldn’t we see less conscientiousness and lower intelligence in the population at large?

Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

Host: Nathan Gershfeld                              

Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

Podcast website:  http://www.BeatYourGenes.org

True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : http://www.TrueToLife.us

Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus