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In today’s episode, Dr. Lisle discusses the following question: Do you have any tips for getting yourself to do the hard things you know you should do? I am a voracious consumer of self-improvement content. I truly believe in the science and superiority of the whole food plant-based diet, in the importance of regular exercise for physical and mental health, and in the benefit of productivity and life-improvement. I have things that I know would absolutely improve my life in the long run but I cannot seem to make myself do these things, even though I am high in conscientiousness. It’s as if I keep convincing myself I can just “slip on by” being lazy. It’s a pattern that has followed me all my life – I’m quite smart and always got good grades but I’ve only put in the effort to do well rather than extraordinary well like I could have, even though I know this would be of great benefit to my life in the long-run. I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I’m in my mid-20s and obese, lonely, depressed, addicted to technology, and performing far below what I could be in life. How do I get myself to do the things that I know will make myself more happy and increase my competitiveness in society?

In tonight’s replay of episode 187, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. Why am I so stagnant? Despite doing poorly in practically all the dimensions of my life (romantic, social, pursuit) I don’t take any effective action. I’ve done an immense amount of therapies from various modalities, worked with many therapists, including numerous other things to no avail. I stew and rage but don’t do anything and I don’t know why. I also like to feel like a victim so as to not feel the pressure of responsibility. 2. Your explanation of anger and guilt being mirror emotions really struck me.  Do you think there is always a mirror emotion like anger and guilt? Or is it rather mostly a spectrum like your explanation of depression and boredom, when related to stress? I would be curious to hear about more on categorizing emotions. 3.  I am a bit confused about when disagreeableness is seen as a negative and positive trait. You said agreeableness is a highly valued trait, and while it is clear that one would want a disagreeable lawyer, you also said that charisma basically comes down to disagreeableness, and when most people think of charismatic people, they certainly don’t think of pushiness and anger. I am probably ~75th percentile disagreeable (but pretty stable) and generally try to beat my genes by hiding it, but, not contradicting people, avoiding confrontation, for example with groups of friends. Am I right to do so, or could I win more friends/esteem by being more “assertive”? 4. I’m trying to work on it, but I feel I have an issue with agreeableness. I’m too agreeable, to the point that I feel bad about myself for disappointing others, like turning down a job offer or rejecting a potential partner when it’s obvious that those situations won’t work out. How do I get past this, “trying to please all of the people all of the time” mentality