Today’s questions: 1. I’m interested in the post-Corona calibration process many of us are likely going through or about to go through. I’d be interested to hear how this unique level of isolation we’ve all experienced leads to decalibration and then the process of recalibrating again. I am just now starting to “get back out there” and I get the sense that my nervous system is desperate for calibration while at the same time guarded against any potential bad news. What do you think, doctors? 2. I’m curious why it seems so many of us are programmed to want to push our kids to achieve if the long-term influence falls flat. 3. I am struggling to realize the last chapter of How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, where the author describes freedom from wanting to control others. I have a 29 year old brother who still lives with my mother. He was working before the pandemic, but is currently unemployed. He has made thousands of dollars a month but pays her nothing. He says she doesn’t care and he is wanted. She says she doesn’t mind other. In the past I have argued about why this relationship is bad for them both. I’m having a hard time why this situation makes me so angry, when really it is none of my business. I would love to “be free” of my concern, but it feels deeply concerning that from what I see my brother is exploiting my mother to avoid life and she is enabling him because she doesn’t want to live alone. 4. When women write “family-oriented” on a dating profile is this code for “looking for man who will invest all of his resources into me and our potential children” and also “I’m vetting your current relationship with your mother as proof!”
love
231: Post-corona dating calibration, Pushing our kids, Controlling others
Today’s questions:
1. I’m interested in the post-Corona calibration process many of us are likely going through or about to go through. I’d be interested to hear how this unique level of isolation we’ve all experienced leads to decalibration and then the process of recalibrating again. I am just now starting to “get back out there” and I get the sense that my nervous system is desperate for calibration while at the same time guarded against any potential bad news. What do you think, doctors?
2. I’m curious why it seems so many of us are programmed to want to push our kids to achieve if the long-term influence falls flat.
3. I am struggling to realize the last chapter of How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, where the author describes freedom from wanting to control others. I have a 29 year old brother who still lives with my mother. He was working before the pandemic, but is currently unemployed. He has made thousands of dollars a month but pays her nothing. He says she doesn’t care and he is wanted. She says she doesn’t mind other. In the past I have argued about why this relationship is bad for them both. I’m having a hard time why this situation makes me so angry, when really it is none of my business. I would love to “be free” of my concern, but it feels deeply concerning that from what I see my brother is exploiting my mother to avoid life and she is enabling him because she doesn’t want to live alone.
4. When women write “family-oriented” on a dating profile is this code for “looking for man who will invest all of his resources into me and our potential children” and also “I’m vetting your current relationship with your mother as proof!”
230: Repeat Exposure, Scrambled Eggs, Pair bond dating success, Online dating
In today’s show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk start with a dating question and branch off to discuss the Repeat Exposure Effect along with a song performed by one of our listeners, Warren Tews (https://youtu.be/T7_BjA_M74A), the discussion turns towards “All about the Eggs” as Dr. Lisle describes the male mating strategy of “trying to get to the female’s eggs” and the confusion (from the female) that can result from that. Included in the discussion is online dating strategies for women for pair bond success. Question: Dear Beat Your Genes team, From what I am hearing, as a female 10, I have practically no chance of ever pair-bonding with an objective male 10 (my equal). The best I can do is settle for a 9 with more/better resources than me (subjective 10), which can only be achieved via repeat exposure, correct? Needless to say, online dating is a nightmare, but offline I have not met/seen a man, who would make me feel overrewarded (or even remotely attracted) in more than 5 years (latest divorce). To aggravate the problem, I am also a sapiosexual. Any insights into how I can overcome this challenge are welcome. P.S. Dr. Howk is a hoot and makes a fantastic addition to the team. Can’t wait to hear her laugh at my question.