196: Attraction patterns, ‘Control freak’, ‘Emotional blackmail’

In today’s show, the Drs answer the following listener questions:

1.I was married to a man for 3 years who was a recovering drug and alcohol addict.  In any case, we have recently divorced. There is another man who I have known for about 20 years. We have recently reconnected and are exploring the beginnings of a relationship.I am noticing a heavy drinking behavior in the man in the new relationship. Its hard to tell because right now we are long distance and only see each other on weekends. So am I attracted to addicts? 

2. I often hear the term “control” thrown around in pop psychology and fiction. It often turns up in dialogue like one person asking why the other did something stupid or self-destructive and the answer being “I just really needed to feel in control, just for a minute”. Or there is the notion that people will calm down when given (the illusion of) control. 

3. I’m male, early twenties, been on a whole plant food diet for about 1,5 years. Arguments I can handle (I’m pretty disagreeable), but my family has been emotionally blackmailing me, having what amount to interventions with my mother crying, them saying I’m wasting away and will one day find myself in an ambulance. I’m 5’9 about 132 pounds. I lost about 20 pounds early on and have not lost any more for over a year. I have always had low muscle mass, even when working out -I’ve come to think I’m just naturally low on that bell curve. But for a year I’ve finally been able to do proper push-ups, pulls-ups and the like and generally feel fine. I feel distanced from my family and have come to dread spending time with them. What can I do?

195: Pleasure Trap, Making yourself proud, Social cost of eating healthy

On today’s show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk will answer the following questions:

1. Imagine a 20-year-old male.  Every day, he plays video games, eats Twinkies, drinks Mountain Dew, binge watches Netflix, mindlessly scrolls through Social Media, and watches .  What are the long-term and short-term effects of all this supernormal stimuli?

2.I feel like I’m stuck in a diet mindset where my internal audience won’t recognize any of my efforts unless I’m 100% compliant all of the time.   Considering all the crap other people eat, I feel like I should be able to have one meal a week that’s not 100% wfpb and still be fine and not feel all this guilt?

3. I understand your view on how to handle questions about “why do eat that way” etc however i am wondering about what to say when people say things like “Oh i really need to do something about my weight so i have just started eating low carb high fat”. Or ” i have diabetes so i can’t eat pasta or potatoes.” Lately my respone has been to smile and say nothing however i am left feeling frustrated that there is so much that i could contribute to the conversation but i just hold back. What is the best approach when people say or do things that either simple wrong or not the best solution, particularily when you care about the person and want to be helpful? 

4. I am impressed with the data behind a whole foods plant based diet but felt this wasn’t something I could stick with long term. I’ve read in the pleasure trap strategies for telling others to buzz off, but still didn’t like the social implications of being a young male vegan. Long term concerns for being on this diet? Would you recommend it for anyone?

194: Evo psych of punishment & revenge, Fairness in male/female dynamics & more

In today’s show we discuss the Evolutionary psychology of individual, group, and self punishment and revenge. How does this factor in to Hamilton’s rule? 

Listener questions:

1. Why do people seek revenge and compensation pain from a person who has angered them even if they lose as well? Why do people take an approach of ‘I will hurt you back even if it means I get hurt as well’ when they are in rage?

2. Are there evolutionary reasons for sending signals to the others by physically harming oneself?

3. Kind of a weird question but why is it so hard to convey to guys/male partners that they should simply put down the toilet seat after they are done peeing?  I find this conversation extremely unnecessary and childish however it seems to me that there is something deeper behind (evolutionary) otherwise it doesn’t make sense to me to make such a big fuss about it. I know it sounds dumb but thanks for answering!

4.  What is it about human social psychology that make Stone age tribes or “villages” tend to Max out around 50 or 150 people or so? Was it that nothing could invite more people than that under any common purpose?.