relationships

In today’s episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk, discuss the following questions: 1. My niece and I have been debating whether it’s safe for attractive young solo female travelers to couch surf. She believes that a careful reading of a host’s couch surfing profile enables her to spot would-be predators. What are your thoughts on this Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk? 2. Can you talk about what resilience is with regard to personality/the big 5?  Do you think that it is possible to help people develop resilience or grit?  3. I dated a guy for about 5 years who would never commit and cheated on me several times, though I did not learn of his indiscretions until after the relationship ended. I recently found out that he married one of the women who he cheated on me with after dating her for only a brief time. After our split was all said and done I definitely felt like I came out it with the better end of the deal, and I’m now in a relationship that has major *magic 10%* potential; so my question is: why am I so irritated about my loser ex’s quickie marriage? 4. I contracted Herpes from a long term boyfriend who was cheating on me about 10 years ago. I find it so difficult to share this information with a new person. I am 50 years old and reasonably attractive but haven’t been dating from shame regarding this condition. You’re straight talk suggestions are so helpful on this podcast, I’m wondering if you can advise me on how to best frame this situation for myself, my status, and potential mates.   

Questions for tonight’s show are: 1. Why am I so stagnant? Despite doing poorly in practically all the dimensions of my life (romantic, social, pursuit) I don’t take any effective action. I’ve done an immense amount of therapies from various modalities, worked with many therapists, including numerous other things to no avail. I stew and rage but don’t do anything and I don’t know why. I also like to feel like a victim so as to not feel the pressure of responsibility. 2. Your explanation of anger and guilt being mirror emotions really struck me.  Do you think there is always a mirror emotion like anger and guilt? Or is it rather mostly a spectrum like your explanation of depression and boredom, when related to stress? I would be curious to hear about more on categorizing emotions. 3.  I am a bit confused about when disagreeableness is seen as a negative and positive trait. You said agreeableness is a highly valued trait, and while it is clear that one would want a disagreeable lawyer, you also said that charisma basically comes down to disagreeableness, and when most people think of charismatic people, they certainly don’t think of pushiness and anger. I am probably ~75th percentile disagreeable (but pretty stable) and generally try to beat my genes by hiding it, but, not contradicting people, avoiding confrontation, for example with groups of friends. Am I right to do so, or could I win more friends/esteem by being more “assertive”? 4. I’m trying to work on it, but I feel I have an issue with agreeableness. I’m too agreeable, to the point that I feel bad about myself for disappointing others, like turning down a job offer or rejecting a potential partner when it’s obvious that those situations won’t work out. How do I get past this, “trying to please all of the people all of the time” mentality?

We welcome back Dr. Jen Howk for her part 2 debut on the BYG podcast.  Dr. Lisle and Howk answer the following questions from listeners: 1. I would describe myself as a 9. I am pretty and fit. I am educated and have a great job. Since I have graduated college I have had an extremely difficult time with dating.  2. If I slept with someone that I like too soon and they are showing less interest in me is there a way to get their interest back? I remember one episode you mentioned looking your best was a way to do this which I am working on losing some weight. Are there any pyschological mind tactics I can practice in the mean time? If someone is actively ignoring you is it best to do the same? 3.  I have a question regarding the full moon on the female psyche The Mother of my two children becomes more abusive and more unstable during a full moon. Generally she is a pretty tricky person to deal with and tripping over some petty little trap opens a gate for verbal and sometimes physical abuse.  She often blames the full moon or PMS for these episodes but she is rarely a picnic in the park in between.  My question is whether there is any validity in the claim that the full moon has on anyone’s psychology or is it just an excuse for bad behaviour and just some new age hippy nonsense for people who are high in openness. 4. What advice would you give to a female who is being stalked? 5. Is it reasonable to suggest that modern third-wave feminism is now about confusing males about the dominance hierarchy and their own sexual selection criteria, so as to turn them into being beta males?  To find out more about Dr. Howk or to book a phone consult, visit http://www.JenHowk.com