dating advice

In today’s show, the Dr’s discuss:

1. Is it possible to have a personality that is not a good fit for a long-term committed relationship?

2. I have this one specific girlfriend who seems to be different because she ONLY attracts pair bonds. She has never gotten a casual mating approach, not that I can ever remember. She gets approached by all fine, decent, good looking, intelligent guys who all really love her. She’s average looking, yet thin, long haired and very intelligent too. She gets in a stable monogamous relationship with one, stays with him for 2/3/4 years saying she really, really loves him and then abruptly dumps him, moving to the next one..  I’m more curious about how she can be so lucky to always find good pair bonds as to why she acts like this.

3. A friend has become a life and wellness coach primarily through social media. She enjoys what she does, makes a livable living, and creates value in her clients’ lives. Yet, when our friend group occasionally mentions this friend everyone seems to disapprove of what she’s doing business-wise. In fact, all of us have unfollowed her on social media because we can’t stand to watch her content. She gives advice on nutrition, makes motivational videos, and sells coaching sessions to women—and for some reason, it all comes off as disingenuous, scammy, and distorted.  I have no intention of changing her or her business. What I’m curious about is why we feel disgust whenever she comes up in conversation. There’s no issue whenever she and I hang out in person. We always have a good time. But, why am I so turned off by her Internet presence and the way she makes money? Could it be that I think she’s claiming unearned status? Or could it be that I see the online coach version of her as deceiving and therefore a threat to the village? Please help me understand.

In today’s replay of episode 212, the Dr’s discuss the following questions:

1. Would you still recommend psychology as a career? I am interested in becoming a therapist, and your podcast has turned what I thought I knew on it’s head and has completely changed the way I would want to go about my theoretical orientation. But now that it’s so different, I feel like I am doubting everything.  Could you talk a little about what it’s like to be in the position of the therapist? I am looking for information to direct my behavioral output.

2. How do I overcome fear? I have a friend who is brave and courageous! I would so like to accomplish those qualities, but whether it comes to sky diving, public speaking, or taking other risks im super scared and it takes so much for me to make the leap? How can I make the leap easier and become more courageous when I know that’s what I really want? any tricks/shortcuts/technique or game changing information regarding this?

3. I am a female in my 50s now, and all of my life when someone is mad or upset with me, for any reason and no matter who has the ‘right’ to be upset, I cannot live with it. I perseverate on it and I cannot shake things until things are resolved and even after sometimes I do not find a release. I am surprised that at this point in my life I cannot shake this. For example, at work I made a mistake and I am working to fix the error, but I am ashamed and even though I am moving forward with efforts to fix the problem and grow from it, I cannot rest for weeks. What is this heavy and stressful feeling trying to tell me?

In this episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss this situation:

I am a 26 year old female and in a two year relationship with a guy named Luke. He is an MD and works at the hospital, he is rather smart, lookwise pretty average but neighter overweight nor has a funky smell. He is a nice guy, will provide for me and the family as soon as we have kids, which is already on our agenda. He respects my wishes to a large extent and eats only plant based at home though he used to eat meat. He is caring and always there for me even when I am going a bit crazy. Sounds perfect right? Well. When I was 20 I met a guy (Dave) and we became best friends, after a year or so we had a short phase where we had sex, which led to quite some trouble and our friendship wasn’t the same ever since. We did see each other every couple of months but we never got that close again, he also moved to another country closeby. I really fell for him though and all throughout the years I was never able to let go of him, he appeared in my dreams and so on. He is the same age as me and my partner, but restarted college again in the new country he is in now, he is in no position to provide while I want to be a stay at home mum. Also he is not into me. He never was and I don’t think he ever will be. I dont’t know why I can’t get this guy out of my head, he still makes me shaky after five years and a lot of misbehaviour on his side. Luke on the other side is nice. But I never crushed on him once, it was all a rational choice. So tell me. How can I let go of this feeling for Dave? I just don’t get it, my mind is totally on board with planing my future with Luke and having a familiy and kids soon, still there is always this nagging voice/ feeling reminding me of Dave. I also thought about him while I was having sex with Luke and I feel really bad about it. How do I move on? I really want to be happy and feel like I am standing in my ow way.