dating advice

In today’s replay of episode 212, the Dr’s discuss the following questions:

1. Would you still recommend psychology as a career? I am interested in becoming a therapist, and your podcast has turned what I thought I knew on it’s head and has completely changed the way I would want to go about my theoretical orientation. But now that it’s so different, I feel like I am doubting everything.  Could you talk a little about what it’s like to be in the position of the therapist? I am looking for information to direct my behavioral output.

2. How do I overcome fear? I have a friend who is brave and courageous! I would so like to accomplish those qualities, but whether it comes to sky diving, public speaking, or taking other risks im super scared and it takes so much for me to make the leap? How can I make the leap easier and become more courageous when I know that’s what I really want? any tricks/shortcuts/technique or game changing information regarding this?

3. I am a female in my 50s now, and all of my life when someone is mad or upset with me, for any reason and no matter who has the ‘right’ to be upset, I cannot live with it. I perseverate on it and I cannot shake things until things are resolved and even after sometimes I do not find a release. I am surprised that at this point in my life I cannot shake this. For example, at work I made a mistake and I am working to fix the error, but I am ashamed and even though I am moving forward with efforts to fix the problem and grow from it, I cannot rest for weeks. What is this heavy and stressful feeling trying to tell me?

In this episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss this situation:

I am a 26 year old female and in a two year relationship with a guy named Luke. He is an MD and works at the hospital, he is rather smart, lookwise pretty average but neighter overweight nor has a funky smell. He is a nice guy, will provide for me and the family as soon as we have kids, which is already on our agenda. He respects my wishes to a large extent and eats only plant based at home though he used to eat meat. He is caring and always there for me even when I am going a bit crazy. Sounds perfect right? Well. When I was 20 I met a guy (Dave) and we became best friends, after a year or so we had a short phase where we had sex, which led to quite some trouble and our friendship wasn’t the same ever since. We did see each other every couple of months but we never got that close again, he also moved to another country closeby. I really fell for him though and all throughout the years I was never able to let go of him, he appeared in my dreams and so on. He is the same age as me and my partner, but restarted college again in the new country he is in now, he is in no position to provide while I want to be a stay at home mum. Also he is not into me. He never was and I don’t think he ever will be. I dont’t know why I can’t get this guy out of my head, he still makes me shaky after five years and a lot of misbehaviour on his side. Luke on the other side is nice. But I never crushed on him once, it was all a rational choice. So tell me. How can I let go of this feeling for Dave? I just don’t get it, my mind is totally on board with planing my future with Luke and having a familiy and kids soon, still there is always this nagging voice/ feeling reminding me of Dave. I also thought about him while I was having sex with Luke and I feel really bad about it. How do I move on? I really want to be happy and feel like I am standing in my ow way.  

In today’s episode, Dr. Lisle discusses:

1. How much do you owe your parents as they age? My father is very disagreeable and I hate being around him. As my father ages, he will need me to care for him more but I would like to move out of state. He does not have any savings to afford quality nursing home care. Do I need to take him with me because there would be no one else here to care for him?

2. I’m having environment issues and I’m really stuck as to what to do about it. I have a 36 year old special needs daughter.  Every chance I get, I sneak into her room and grab some cookies, or candy or whatever else she has stashed in there away from Mom. It’s really hindering my progress.

3. I am easily thrown off by simple things at work or in my personal life- and I’m a crier. My mom and I had a disagreement recently and I didn’t get over it for over an hour and kept involuntarily crying because I was so upset that I disappointed her. I don’t re-calibrate quickly from negative feedback and I’d like to learn how to get better at it. Maybe I’m too darn sensitive.

4. I am very happy with my life, have a dream job, good performance reviews, good pay and I so I should be happy. But I know that I’m not fully applying myself at work and I that I’m cruising at 50% effort. As as result I feel constant guilt for slacking off at work, and yet I cannot seem to force myself to work harder. The boss is happy, and unless there is an immediate and heavy deadline I don’t feel motivated. Can you talk about this phenomenon please?